


Isolation

by candydescent



Category: Hello! Project, Juice Juice (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 13:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21393295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candydescent/pseuds/candydescent
Summary: With a reputation as a 'lone wolf', nobody in a million years would guess the realization that Kanazawa Tomoko came to today.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Isolation

The snow came trickling down Kanazawa Tomoko's face as she walked home alone after a long day of practice.

With only a light overcoat on, it was safe to say that Tomoko was not prepared for this weather. _Only ten more minutes and I'm home_, she thought to herself as she trudged through the snow.

Practice went as normal - stretches, vocal warm ups, concert rehearsal, lunch break, and more concert rehearsal. It was nothing that Tomoko wasn't already used to in her six years as an idol. But why did she feel so different about this practice?

In the back of her mind, she knew where the issue lie: Miyamoto Karin. One of her closest colleagues, someone who has been on the stage the same amount of time as her. She always saw her as that childish, yet adorable member that everyone tended to rely on during performances. What caught Tomoko's eye the most, was her duality: How she was so playful and relaxed most of the time, yet always taking her work seriously. She's barely even seen Karin outside of practice anymore because of her new songwriting hobby. Not that Tomoko was going to complain, a lot of the songs she wrote were downright amazing for someone who didn't have much experience songwriting. She almost envied her, but she couldn't: It made Karin happy, so in a sense, it made Tomoko happy too.

But why was that? Why did Karin's happiness matter so much to her?

Of course, as Juice=Juice's new leader, Tomoko loved seeing her members happy. She loved seeing her members get along, make plans outside of practices and performances, and help newer members like Matsunaga Riai and Kudo Yume get adjusted into the group. Those things mattered, those things are what gives a group longevity. But why did she care so much about Karin's happiness outside of that?

"I'm just beside you, closer than anyone. I'm just staring at you,"

The lyrics from Potsuri to blasted in Tomoko's headphones on her walk home. Lately, Potsuri to, a song about feeling isolated from your lover and your feelings for them, had became Kanazawa Tomoko's favorite song. Not only was the song just downright beautiful and heart wrenching, but something within the lyrics resided within her. Maybe.... just maybe. Tomoko was starting to realize her feelings for someone.

_No way. No way. I'm better off on my own, anyways._

Everyone always saw Tomoko as the intimidating senior who was nothing but a huge softie on the inside, but Tomoko didn't always feel that way. Not wanting to disservice her members, she would just bottle up all of her insecurities and everything that pissed her off for the day inside, and wouldn't release them until she got home, alone in the comfort of nothing but a small bedroom. Worried about not living up to Miyazaki Yuka's legacy as Juice=Juice's original leader, insecure about her voice, worried about keeping up with Inaba Manaka and Dambara Ruru's advanced dancing, worried about not impressing her fans enough, worried about her health condition, worried about just about everything you could name in the god damn galaxy. 

But Karin always made Tomoko feel _safe_. Karin made Tomoko feel as though no matter what, she was doing her best and she was good enough. She never felt so much reassurance from a person before, not even from one of her closest friends. Karin was honest with Tomoko about her mistakes, but would also help her get to a place where she felt like she was improving. She's never had someone go out of their way to do so much for her, she's never had someone so adamant on making sure she was okay. Daily checkups, private talks during practice breaks, hourly texts when they're apart just to make sure she was doing well. Tomoko would never show it, but she was grateful for it. 

Finally, Tomoko had reached the front step of her apartment. Unlocking the door, she felt her phone start to vibrate. Tomoko had assumed it was the Juice=Juice LINE group chat, as it always got pretty active after practice when members got home to see if everyone was alright, talk about their days, talk about future plans, and more.

Once she got into her room and removed her overcoat, Tomoko didn't bother to look at her phone at first. Jumping onto her bed, she took a large, exhausting sigh, and had what could be considered a staring contest with the ceiling, her mind swarming with different thoughts.

_What is this I'm feeling? Is it.... not it couldn't be. It could never be. We're just friends, and just friends is better that way._

Another vibrate. Potsuri to continuing to play.

_Maybe it is. Maybe I am feeling it. But nobody could never know, especially not her.... _

The lyrics "I'm just staring at you, I can not say the words 'I like you'," played, and Tomoko's eyes began to sting. It wasn't normal for girls to feel that way about other girls. Or maybe it was, but that still didn't change the fact that they could risk being shunned by society, by their managers, by their members, by their fans, by their _families_. The members and Tomoko's family never openly said how they felt about same sex relationships, but the silence was all too telling: It was _taboo_. Not to mention all of the online hate the openly LGBT+ tend to get. With Juice=Juice at the peak of their career and Tomoko as the group's new leader, she could never risk letting her feelings get out and getting the group unsolicited hate. She'd probably be forced to graduate if the hate became too much, not to mention what it'd do to Karin's solo career, assuming that she felt the same way.

But.... does she feel the way?

Karin was always suggestive with Tomoko more than she was with any of the other members her age, but Tomoko always assumed it was friendly playing. There was no way that a girl like Miyamoto Karin, your typical girl next door, A-tier idol could ever like girls, nonetheless like someone like Tomoko. A person with more internal problems than she could count on _both_ hands. 

A tear slid down Tomoko's cheek as she rolled over to face her phone. She saw the LINE group chat being active as per usual, but she also noticed two new notifications.\

Miyamoto Karin: Hey, you seemed a little off during practice today? 22:49

Miyamoto Karin: Did you make it home safely? 22:51

Tomoko's heart skipped a beat. Just from those two messages, Tomoko felt as though she was ready to risk everything, as if this could really work out. She didn't care about the shunning, the online hate, the dirty comments. In that moment, she cared about one thing, and one thing only:

Karin.

And maybe, just maybe.... She, for once in her life, was ready to take the risk.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Hello! Project fanfiction in years, and it probably isn't that great. Sorry if you had to read this lmfao. Follow my twitter: @prayforbiue


End file.
